apr 30, 2021
mood: 🤗 disappointed

Kinda hoped I would have done more today. Yesterday was hella productive though. Sold an item, mailed two. Today, I deactivated my two domains that I wasn't using anymore and deleted around 1,000 unread e-mails... even more read ones. I guess today was productive...
Since my last blog post, my laptop died and then I bought new ones from my bf's sister, for 50 dollars and a plant cutting of my pothos.
Tonight is Shabbat. I'm already dressed , lol .

apr 13, 2021
mood: 🤗 satisfied and happy

baby is cranky but he's on the verge of sleep so I just have to put up with it.
i picked the family car up from the mechanic today, and renewed the registration. v proud of myself. my mom helped me a lot by picking me up and giving me a ride there to pick it up.

apr 6, 2021
mood: 🤮 sick

been doing better at my business and having a new item drop today. things are a weeeeee bit dramatic in the #JewCrew on Twitter.
went to the doctor's with my mom today. they said she should be able to get a dog without it interfering with her health too much (she has mobility issues).
had a spat with a mcdonalds worker. she had her mask under her nose and gave me hella attitude.

apr 2, 2021
mood: 🤩excited

Got two orders in the mail today... well, two personal ones and one business one. So.... idk. Anyway, just hanging out rn and dreading the visitor we're about to have for a weekend. i need to get over some resentments that i have of them though. hopefully they dont disappoint me, and that they truly changed.

mar 31, 2021
mood: ✡jewish cookin'

made matzah brei ~all by myself~ for the first time

mar 30, 2021
mood: 🚬 i want a cigarette

joined a jewish chat group on twitter, that's super fun lol. always hopping 24/7. lost at chess today. that's ok

mar 28, 2021
mood: 😢 oh shit

just found out that im not being emotive enough for people to understand my jokes, and that im joking about myself. they think im making fun of them..... need 2 change that.

mar 18, 2021
mood: 😎 more productive

trying to stop playing victim and take control of my life. didn't realize how depressing my blog is. i really need to practice more gratitude.
also, my pothos is thriving... as is my snake plant, and NEW christmas cactus! a greatttt gift from my sister ! (i love plants soooOoo much)

mar 17, 2021
mood: 😶 genderfuck't

wondering about my gender identity at 11 o'clock at night, is not how i wanted to spend this wednesday evening.

mar 16, 2021
mood: 🤔 overwhelmed

trying to get my passover seder organized. also, here is a meaningful poem that strikes my heart just right. yes, it's rupi kaur. no, i don't care.
actually: update. I can't afford a seder dinner. it's not fair but it's life. oh well.

mar 14, 2021
mood: 🤔 contemplative

i judge myself a lot. time to eat junk food and watch conspiracy videos.

mar 13, 2021
mood: down

oy vey. went to walmart and tried to buy some clothes. too big for both dress and tanktop in large and size 11 in jeans. Very depressing. I don't even eat that much.
Spending Shabbat at my mother's apartment.
i want to buy a bra that fits but it never works out for me.

mar 8, 2021
mood: better

less money issues today. BH

mar 7, 2021
mood: depressed

I had a Zoom chat with a friend last night. It was fine, but I made this dumb joke and then a really forced laugh and then was like "sorry"... I'm so fucking awkward and I'm sick of it. It's so hard to do my natural defense of just not speaking (which I do in group settings) when the conversation is between two people.
Now I'm drinking coffee and being sad. I think I'll listen to some lo-fi, hol' on.
i'm 178 lbs today. was 179 yesterday.

mar 5, 2021
mood: low.

it's shabbat at 7 pm and im already back on the web. smddddhhh.
very depressed. had weird memory. i don't want to think about it.
i've been feeling far away from G-d and serenity as of late, so I went to two A.A. meetings this week and just attended about half of a Shabbat service at my temple.
This video is pretty cool.

feb 24, 2021
mood: nervous and cranky

I got two teeth out yesterday and i was nervous so this dentist rubbed my shoulder, and then both of them, and shook them... and it was creepy AF, so i said, "I don't like being touched." Then he goes, "At least you're honest."
... um, what??? Do men get this? Anyway, I posted about this on F.B. & took it down within 13 minutes, because I was too embarassed about the incident.
Speaking of "women stuff," I just saw the headline of an editorial espousing "Why Imperfect Girls Make the Best Role Models."(It's behind a pay-wall, so I wasn't able to actually read it.)
Anyway, even though it is written by women, it's totally clueless. First of all, adult girls are "women," And... what other type of woman is there?
In other news: I listened to about fifteen minutes of Foucault VS Chomsky from the '70s or so, and have just heard about hauntology. Also, Foucault is a schmuck. Fight me.

feb 22, 2021
mood: pleased

though my computer graphics are fuk't, i'm pleased to say my plants are coming along just peachy keen. My pothos, which was suffering from root rot, has been showing some improvement. it's 8:15 am and I just checked on them, after having come home last night. It was pleasant to see my aloe thriving, and my thanksgiving cactus is really doing well. Snake plant is doing so well. Such a proud plant parent.

feb 21, 2021
mood: impatient

shavua tov .. i basically played on the internet all weekend. i also memorized "no man is an island". i've been trying to work on my memory this year. so... that was fun. also, side note: really impatient about an online purchase. it's clothes, and i wonder if they will fit me. Anyway, back to work tomorrow @ hexenspiegel

feb 14, 2021
mood: valentinin'

ugh today was hectic but i did do one tarot reading, answer some messages, and run a sale on my site 🤷‍. so.. productive??

feb 12, 2021
mood: frettin' hard

seriously worried my pothos may bite the dust soon. i hope it makes a speedy recovery. it had root rot. i chopped off ALL the roots except the nubby roots that will sprout more with the soil... and i also repotted my snake plant because it was just too big for it's three-inch sunshine yellow pot. I put the christmas cactus cutting in that one with soil, and then covered the top with crystals... ooh la la.
thinking about a flannel i threw out. i wish i hadnt. it reminded me of a time of my life that, while i would never want to revisit, was filled with youthful ignorance and new connections with loads of new people. i also wore it a lot as an electrician, which i did for two weeks before i got a concussion. it's a whole thing. 2018. what a year.
i feel like i had another dream last night that was concerning, perhaps about the era of that flannel. not sure. why is my mind the way it is? just hints of the dream, nothing more. weird.

feb 8, 2021
mood: Sassy N Gassy

I shouldn't have ate that cheese pizza. I just shouldn't've.
I'm at 173 lbs now. That's better than 175. So I've lost about two pounds... I'm happy with that progress...
Excited for the stock market to open today
made 8 dollars off dogecoin yesterday that's cool.
Been praying a bit more. It's definitely been helping my recovery. I'm kinda disappointed i don't Zoom as much as I want to. I'd be drinking coffee and watching A.A. meetings all morning.
ohkay nvm, imma do that now. like, why not? im complaining but it's totally within my abilities.

feb 7, 2021
mood: testing, testing??


december 26, 2020
mood: feelin' mellow

wearing my new galaga shirt. be jealous,

december 25, 2020
mood: toof hurts

listenin' to this.

december 24, 2020
mood: chrismassy

just put up a xmas tree for the kids (we're an interfaith household)
gotta check the mail later for more gifts, and wrap the ones i already have to give
got my book in the mail that i plan on reading on shabbat.

december 16, 2020
mood: hurt, but lighter

basically...im the one who always messaged first. that sums it up well.
today is my 5 year sober-versary

december 15, 2020
mood: HUNGRY

texted old friend to see if the mystery coat at our apartment is hers... it says it was made in yugoslavia and i was like "yep, that's gotta be hers!" she owns all this stuff from parts of the world that no longer exist, heh. it's cool... i miss her. we're currently not talking. haven't been for 3 months now. sigh.
was very productive yesterday... i know i already spoke on this in my last entry, but seriously. this planner is awesome
found out my ex boyfriend is engaged to a horse girl. i want to laugh about this with my friend but, like i said, she isn't talking to me. which sucks. she's the only person i can tell that to and they would get the humor
i need more friends
maybe i should come right out and ask more people to hang out and stuff??? Coffee over Zoom???

december 14, 2020
mood: HUNGRY

went to doctors today to get medicine only to be told i was a week too early. lame! stupid rulless...
got form notarized and sent back to its intended destination
my day planner is really givin' me liiife

december 13, 2020
mood: melloww

didn't find anything at target :/ except some make up and things we needed, and two gifts for my partner.
my hair is getting so much longer.
Also, I forgot to update you on my shitty latkes. If you want to see the latke shande, pls click here

december 12, 2020
mood: freedoooom

going to go buy clothes today. i have a new uniform: black graphic tee shirt, black leggings, black sneakers, nameplate necklace (which will be coming in the mail soon enough)

december 11, 2020
mood: blessed 😊

2nd night of Hanukkah. Also I {redacted story}

december 10, 2020
mood: Hanukkah Mania

peeled potatoes for latkes. still need to pick up eggs.

december 08, 2020
mood: rockin' 5781

today has been good so far. will update. got my day planner in the mail today