Kinda hoped I would have done more today. Yesterday was hella productive though. Sold an item, mailed two. Today, I deactivated my two domains that I wasn't using anymore and deleted around 1,000 unread e-mails... even more read ones. I guess today was productive...
Since my last blog post, my laptop died and then I bought new ones from my bf's sister, for 50 dollars and a plant cutting of my pothos.
Tonight is Shabbat. I'm already dressed , lol .
baby is cranky but he's on the verge of sleep so I just have to put up with it.
i picked the family car up from the mechanic today, and renewed the registration. v proud of myself. my mom helped me a lot by picking me up and giving me a ride there to pick it up.
been doing better at my business and having a new item drop today. things are a weeeeee bit dramatic in the #JewCrew on Twitter.
went to the doctor's with my mom today. they said she should be able to get a dog without it interfering with her health too much (she has mobility issues).
had a spat with a mcdonalds worker. she had her mask under her nose and gave me hella attitude.
Got two orders in the mail today... well, two personal ones and one business one. So.... idk. Anyway, just hanging out rn and dreading the visitor we're about to have for a weekend. i need to get over some resentments that i have of them though. hopefully they dont disappoint me, and that they truly changed.
made matzah brei ~all by myself~ for the first time
joined a jewish chat group on twitter, that's super fun lol. always hopping 24/7. lost at chess today. that's ok
just found out that im not being emotive enough for people to understand my jokes, and that im joking about myself. they think im making fun of them..... need 2 change that.
trying to stop playing victim and take control of my life. didn't realize how depressing my blog is. i really need to practice more gratitude.
also, my pothos is thriving... as is my snake plant, and NEW christmas cactus! a greatttt gift from my sister ! (i love plants soooOoo much)
wondering about my gender identity at 11 o'clock at night, is not how i wanted to spend this wednesday evening.
trying to get my passover seder organized. also, here is a meaningful poem that strikes my heart just right. yes, it's rupi kaur. no, i don't care.
actually: update. I can't afford a seder dinner. it's not fair but it's life. oh well.
i judge myself a lot. time to eat junk food and watch conspiracy videos.
oy vey. went to walmart and tried to buy some clothes. too big for both dress and tanktop in large and size 11 in jeans. Very depressing. I don't even eat that
Spending Shabbat at my mother's apartment.
i want to buy a bra that fits but it never works out for me.
less money issues today. BH
I had a Zoom chat with a friend last night. It was fine, but I made this dumb joke and then a really forced laugh and then was like "sorry"... I'm so fucking awkward and I'm sick of it. It's so hard to do my natural defense of just not speaking (which I do in group settings) when the conversation is between two people.
Now I'm drinking coffee and being sad. I think I'll listen to some lo-fi, hol' on.
i'm 178 lbs today. was 179 yesterday.
it's shabbat at 7 pm and im already back on the web. smddddhhh.
very depressed. had weird memory. i don't want to think about it.
i've been feeling far away from G-d and serenity as of late, so I went to two A.A. meetings this week and just attended about half of a Shabbat service at my temple.
This video is pretty cool.
I got two teeth out yesterday and i was nervous so this dentist rubbed my shoulder, and then both of them, and shook them... and it was creepy AF, so i said, "I don't like being touched." Then he goes, "At least you're honest."
... um, what??? Do men get this? Anyway, I posted about this on F.B. & took it down within 13 minutes, because I was too embarassed about the incident.
Speaking of "women stuff," I just saw the headline of an editorial espousing "Why Imperfect Girls Make the Best Role Models."(It's behind a pay-wall, so I wasn't able to actually read it.)
Anyway, even though it is written by women, it's totally clueless. First of all, adult girls are "women," And... what other type of woman is there?
In other news: I listened to about fifteen minutes of Foucault VS Chomsky from the '70s or so, and have just heard about hauntology. Also, Foucault is a schmuck. Fight me.
ALSO I FOUND THE PERFECT HOODIE.
though my computer graphics are fuk't, i'm pleased to say my plants are coming along just peachy keen. My pothos, which was suffering from root rot, has been showing some improvement. it's 8:15 am and I just checked on them, after having come home last night. It was pleasant to see my aloe thriving, and my thanksgiving cactus is really doing well. Snake plant is doing so well. Such a proud plant parent.
shavua tov .. i basically played on the internet all weekend. i also memorized "no man is an island". i've been trying to work on my memory this year. so... that was fun. also, side note: really impatient about an online purchase. it's clothes, and i wonder if they will fit me. Anyway, back to work tomorrow @ hexenspiegel
ugh today was hectic but i did do one tarot reading, answer some messages, and run a sale on my site 🤷. so.. productive??
seriously worried my pothos may bite the dust soon. i hope it makes a speedy recovery. it had root rot. i chopped off ALL the roots except the nubby roots that will sprout more with the soil... and i also repotted my snake plant because it was just too big for it's three-inch sunshine yellow pot. I put the christmas cactus cutting in that one with soil, and then covered the top with crystals... ooh la la.
thinking about a flannel i threw out. i wish i hadnt. it reminded me of a time of my life that, while i would never want to revisit, was filled with youthful ignorance and new connections with loads of new people. i also wore it a lot as an electrician, which i did for two weeks before i got a concussion. it's a whole thing. 2018. what a year.
i feel like i had another dream last night that was concerning, perhaps about the era of that flannel. not sure. why is my mind the way it is? just hints of the dream, nothing more. weird.